In The Public Eye

As an introvert I ofttimes find that I am forced into situations that no-one else thinks about, or takes for granted. I do not dislike people, but I don’t often wish to interact with others. It gives me a feeling of dread and a heavy weight in the pit of my stomach.

Buses and lifts (elevators). 

I sometimes think that people must think I’m weird. (I am weird, but in a good way (!)) I do my best to not make eye contact with others. Especially difficult on a a full bus, when I’m forced to stand next to someone. Also in a lift. I have to go up 5 floors in a lift to reach my office. I suppose I could try walking up, but I’d be dead half-way there as I’m overweight and unfit. (As an aside here, I’ve lost just over 10 lbs since the doc put me on Orlistat (c.2 months). Over 1 stone from my heaviest. (4.6kg & 6.4 kg respectively))

Back to lifts. I’m OK with maybe one other person, but even then I find myself staring at the doors or the floor. With a full one it’s torture. Where can I look? I don’t want to be thought to be staring at someone’s bum, or that girl in the short skirt’s legs! I’ve been known to pull down my cap a little more and shut my eyes. If I can shut everyone out for the time it takes to ascend to my floor, it won’t be so bad.

Of course, if someone talks to me, I’ll answer, but I’m hoping that they don’t. the very thought of small-talk is enough to set my heart going ten to the dozen. Am I weird? Maybe, but I’m an introvert. I’m someone who who’s likes spending time at home, or alone, or by myself in an open space.

Open Plan

I work in an open-plan office, and it kills me (please excuse the hyperbole) sometimes to walk in the door every morning, where everyone can see me. Not that everyone is looking at me, but it feels like it sometimes. Then the walk to the desk, and once I’m sat down, I can be in my own space. It’s my desk, and no-one sits there when I’m at work. I can compartmentalise when I’m there. I’m in my space, and I do my best to keep it that way. Sure, I’ll answer questions, or have a chat, but generally when someone else instigates the process. I’m happy to talk, and discuss things, I just don’t generally start things off.

Even when I’m on the phone I find myself fixing my eyes on a far-off point whilst talking or listening (I work in a contact centre (not a call/sales centre). I’m scared to think that someone will think I’m looking at them (!) Ah, the joys . . .

Introverted, shy, stress, depression, lack of self-confidence, man, husband, son  . . . human.