I go through life, disappointed. I feel a failure. I’m not the Christian I should be. I’m not the husband I should be. I go through phases of doing something or aiming for something, only for it to drop behind.
Art, IT, walking the dogs… I can’t stick with anything. I feel like I’m failing Kim (my wife). I’m not providing for her enough. Her health is up & down, and could do with not having to work anymore.
Depression affects us both. She also has arthritis to a greater or lesser extent. Often dependent on the weather. We both suffer from stress, too.
We have no savings – a lot to do with my hopelessness with money. Sometimes life really stinks.
Then something happens to make me sit up and consider things. A good friend of ours has just been re-diagnosed with cancer. This time everywhere. There is nothing that can be done for him. He us one of t he few genuinely decent blokes in the world. He’s a gentleman, and doesn’t deserve this crap.
As a Christian, I sometimes think – as my wife said this morning – why do horrible things happen to good people? Good question. Sin, is a throwaway answer, but that is too easy. I’m angry and annoyed for him. At the same time, I’d like to be thankful for what I have. Health, family, a home, a job. I am, yoo. Yet, it’s hard sometimes.
Do I believe in God? Yes, I do. Do I understand why garbage happens? No, I do not.